Good news & Bad news...

This home has been a bit of wreck the past couple months. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. There are so many thoughts going on in my head...I've decided to pour them out before I go to bed...sort of an emotional release.

There is good news to share...and bad news:

The good news (in case you aren't on FB) is that I'm expecting and baby #3 is due in January. Everything is going smoothly, even nausea has been better than previous pregnancies. Now that I'm in my second trimester, I'm expecting some energy to hit and nausea to subside. We're thrilled to welcome another baby...even Addie! She prays for the baby at night and even told me, "I'm so excited to meet the baby...I can hardly wait!" Eliza thinks she likes babies...but we'll see when our baby comes home to stay and takes up Mommy's lap!

The bad news is that my Kaylee Louise is not doing well. She's been struggling with her hip pain for a while now, however the last month it's been worse. When we returned from vacation, my parents called and said she wasn't doing well. They had taken her to a pet hospital b/c she was vomiting and not able to keep any food down. Without a urinalysis or bloodwork, the vet suspected she was in renal failure (kidney failure). I took her to my vet and a urinalysis showed that she is not...that's good. However, she is not eating well. She was eating more when we got her back, but she seems to lack interest now. She does perk up when I suggest we go on a "walk"...so I take her for a short one. She doesn't last long, but if it's the only joy in her life right now...I want her to have it. Tonight, she refused everything I offered her. Beef broth, rice, boiled beef, treats, even a chicken nugget (I was getting desperate!) Without food in her tummy, I can't give her any pain medication so in the morning she probably won't be able to walk. :(

I'm at a crossroads. I know that I'm going to have to decide soon how much is enough. Maybe she's just done. I pray to God that I can let her go and not keep her around for my own selfish reasons. I love her so much. I can't stand to see her in pain.  She's not herself anymore. No more greetings at the door (with a shoe hanging from her mouth), no more zig-zagging on her walks (annoying Lucas and me to the hills), no more catching food before it even hits the floor, and no more following me all over the house. She stays put most of the day...I miss my shadow when I go to bed at night.

I don't think my girls have ever seen me cry so much. I keep fluctuating between hope (when she perks up) and devestation. She's on the best pain meds I can get for her...if they don't work, there's only one option left.

I knew this day would come, but it's not any easier. It sucks actually.